Parents should discuss sex and sexuality with their children to reduce the possibility of them becoming victims of sexual abuse, says Church psychologist Sr Julie Marie Peters.

“Start talking about sex at home,” She advised as she conducted a June 14 workshop, “Helping children recognise and protect themselves from sex harassment and abuse”.

She cited the failure to set boundaries as a major contributor to the problem, noting that many of today’s adults were not taught respect for boundaries as a child and therefore the concept was alien to them as adults.

Sr Julie called on parents to discuss sex with their children in an open and serious manner, and advocated a return to the setting of boundaries. “The breakdown in society didn’t happen last night; it has been happening over years,” she commented.

Parents must also teach their children an age-appropriate and healthy love for their body, Sr Julie said, adding: “If you don’t teach it, they may allow people to disregard their body.”

Venue for the workshop, organised through the Franciscan Institute for Personal and Family Development, was the Catholic Centre, Chaguanas. More than 70 parents, teachers and school principals attended, the majority from Catholic schools in central Trinidad.

Participants also came from Arima and San Fernando. Mamoral parish priest Fr Roger Paponnette and Vicar for the Central Vicariate, Chaguanas parish priest Fr Christopher Lumsden, took in the session too.

Sr Julie, a trained psychologist and therapist, explained that the workshop came about because of the recent publicised child sexual abuse cases, including that of Hope Arismendez.

She lamented that while teachers must report possible cases of sexual abuse, there was a lack of infrastructure to deal with such cases and said schools might have to go so far as to teach sexuality in the same way that they teach youngsters what to do in the event of a fire. “It has to become an ongoing conversation in schools, not only when something happens,” she added.

Sr Julie Peters addresses workshop participants

Sr Julie said society seemed to want the problem of child sexual abuse to be kept secret: “Some say let sleeping dogs lie, but sleeping dogs are still being bitten by fleas. We need to wake up the dog, wash it with blue soap, and let it go back to sleep.”

The informative and interactive session focussed on defining child sexual abuse, ways to spot possible perpetrators and victims, and how parents and teachers should respond.

Sr Julie said nowadays it was difficult to determine what was normal sexual exploration for children  “because of the early sexualisation of children” in the home via television, public transportation, music, advertisements, billboards and highly-advanced cell phones.

She said some parents were purchasing mobile phones for their children that they themselves could not manage. “Are we buying trouble?” she asked.

Defining child sexual abuse, Sr Julie said it involved any sexual activity with a child (whether or not consent is given). It includes non-contact exposure to sex acts, voyeurism, touching or penetration.

Stating that child sexual abuse cuts across racial, religious and class differences, Sr Julie urged parents to be vigilant and to teach their children how to unmask the games and identify the language cons of sexual predators, who usually rely on jealousy, possessiveness, intimidation, accusation, flattery, bribery and anger to gain a level of control.

Sr Julie, who belongs to the Sisters of the Sorrowful Mother congregation, told participants to look for these signs of possible abuse: frequent intimate touching of self, sexual acting out towards adults, fear/revulsion when touched by an adult, signs of distress in the child like anxiety, running away, self-mutilation, obscene language, combination of violence and sexuality in artwork or schoolwork, depression, lack of involvement in school activities or over-involvement, and sophisticated sexual activity.

Two videotaped interviews conducted by Sr Julie were shown after a short break: one of a woman abused for years as a child, and the other of a young man abused by two females separately. Their faces were not shown as they spoke of their experiences and their recovery through therapy.

Embarrassment, public stigma and fear usually kept children from disclosing their abuse, Sr Julie said.

She added that when a child decided to make such a disclosure, the adult – parent/teacher – should do the following:
- Focus on listening to what the child has to say and not on interrogating.
- Stay calm.
- Speak to the child in a private location.
- Let the child know what action you will take.
- Support the child’s need for safety and protection.
- Don’t make unrealistic promises.
- Believe the child’s story and believe in the child.
- Help the child regain control.
- Help the child understand that what happened was not his/her fault.

Follow-up sessions will be held in coming months on how sexual abuse affects child development and on the legal aspects of child sexual abuse.

Sr Julie told Catholic News last Monday that based on the feedback gathered from evaluation forms submitted at the end of the session, participants also wanted informative sessions on parenting skills and child sexual abuse to be held in schools for the benefit of parents and teachers.

A videotape of last week Saturday’s session is being produced for use as an educational tool.
 - RS