By Cleophus Joseph

In one sense, my “vocation” thus far has been a journey, a continuous response to God’s call on my life. When I first “felt” called to the priesthood, I had no real desire to become a priest. I was overcome by what I thought was the life of a priest: living alone, no wife, no children, no sex, always praying... I really didn’t think that I could live this kind of life happily.

About three months after “receiving” my call, I decided to be absolutely and painfully honest with myself. Why was I so afraid and what was I afraid of? I had been singing songs about how good God is, telling people that God’s love is greater than anything else in the world, but I realised that in my heart, I wasn’t really sure if I believed that.

Could God’s love actually be better than having a wife and children and lots of money? Don’t get me wrong; God wasn’t asking me to choose between Himself and a wife. He was asking me to realise that without Him, no wife could truly make me happy. Without God, it would not matter what else I had, because God had become my joy.

This thought, that God is my joy, has been what has driven me through Seminary. Sometimes, I wonder if God is really calling me to the priesthood. Sometimes, I meet a wonderful young lady and I wonder if God may be calling me to the married life. I have never, however, doubted that if I remain obedient to God, I would be happy. God has not failed me yet and He never will.

The one attitude that has served me best is one of patient, obedient submission. Patience is necessary because God works at His own time and not mine. I have come to realise that if I simply surrender the doubts and uncertainties to Him, then He will work them out in the way that is always best, at the time that is always best.

When I entered Seminary, I was told that my first vocation was not to the priesthood but to holiness. I earnestly believe that holiness is happiness and that the only true way to happiness is by doing God’s will. So even as I remain here in the Seminary, my only thought is “Am I doing God’s will here and now.” I know that if the answer is “yes” then I will be happy because God is my joy.

I’ve been in the formation process, officially, for five years now. I say officially, because I believe that every part of my life before entering the Seminary was part of my formation; these experiences made me who I am today. God used them to bring me to where I am today. It is very important to note that it is a process. Sometimes, I think that I should be further along the way but, as for every process, it takes time. I get asked a lot whether the time is too long.

I have however, realised that I will be serving God’s people, potentially as a priest, for the rest of my life. Therefore, seven years of formation is not too long; in fact, when I think of what I will have to face in ministry, I often think that it is insufficient. But then, I am reminded that Jesus is the one who ministers through me. Therefore, the goal of formation is to make me open to being used. If this is not accomplished in eight years, then the whole programme was in vain.

As I end, I want to encourage all persons to simply ask themselves if they really believe two things: does Jesus really want you to be happy? I think He does and I live my life that way. Secondly, is there anything else that can make you happy in the way that Jesus can? If the Church honestly asks that question, I believe that many more young men and women will be prepared to offer themselves as priests and religious. God bless.