By Leton Clovis

In my 31 years of existence in this world, I have met many persons but I can name one who has impacted my life dramatically, especially in terms of my vocation. That person is Fr Linus Clovis. He is not just a local priest to me but a dear and wonderful relative.

I remember the day when at the age of about six, I attended his first Mass at the Cathedral of the Immaculate Conception in Castries. I recall sitting there in amazement, not knowing exactly what was happening, and thinking that something bigger than I was taking place. I saw him all dressed up in his vestments with such reverence and passion in what he was doing that I told my mother that I wanted to be just like him.

There was something about him that drew me to that response. Only later would I understand that he was representing the one who was calling me to himself. When I look now at that moment, it says to me that in the innocence of a child, God sees the holiness and innocence of the priest. That is why Christ said that in order for us to see the Kingdom of Heaven we must first become like children. It is true that the example of holiness sincerely portrayed through the priest can foster the desire of a young child to gravitate towards the priesthood.

I can even recall, while still at a young age, performing the Mass at home in front of my family, especially my mother, using my hymnal which had the Order of the Mass in it, and a blanket on my back. I did it so that in my youthful ignorance, I could share in something I considered magical at the time. It was probably my way of saying (like Samuel in his young age), “Speak Lord, your servant is listening.”

My mother, too, played an important role in my decision then, and even today. Her guidance, care and constant prayer have helped to bring me to where I am. I see her as an example of Our Lady and St Monica who played their role as mothers in prayer and dedication towards their children. It emphasises the point that family, especially motherhood, plays an important part in the development of a child’s vocation, for out of these two women came Our Lord as well as a bishop and Doctor of the Church.

Continuing my education and entering the workforce, I began to engage in a more secular lifestyle though I still had a love for God and my faith. I began to enquire about other career opportunities and even took an interest in relationships. But despite all that somehow the desire to serve God and his people as a priest lay deep within me.

Many career decisions came and went with much eagerness, but I can never recall once not thinking of becoming a priest, even if I had other desires at the time. That period reminded me of the silent years of Christ until his ministry began. God in his eternal wisdom was preparing me, through my life experiences at home, school and work, for a life that was in accordance with his will.

I now feel that he was forming me from that very age for service. I always felt that certain aspects of my life, even those I consider major mistakes, was God’s way of smoothing out the rough edges of this vessel into one that is beautiful and capable of being used by his hands as he sees fit.

As time went by, I found myself pondering my life and felt that I had to make a decision as to what I was going to do. I began asking myself questions and seeking answers through prayer (which by the way I often struggle with), spiritual direction and meditation on my life. I began to realise that all along God was guiding my path.

Despite my own personal wants and desires, He was letting me know that though He was allowing me my free will; He was in charge. Everything began to fit into place and I began, though somewhat reluctantly, to give up certain things in my life. It is indeed not easy to sacrifice one’s desires. Sometimes I even find myself feeling that I am missing out on the good things I once enjoyed in my life. I had to struggle and still do with many temptations even more so now than before.

It somewhat testifies to me that I am on the right path to accomplishing God’s plan in my life, for as Paul says, “It is not I who live, but Christ who lives in me.”

Prior to my decision to enter the seminary, I battled with the question I believe plagues the mind of many young men: “Is God really calling me or is it just because I feel it is right?” Many other questions followed out of fear. Questions of loneliness, marriage and children (family). Doubt and uncertainty also emerged.

Again I found myself trying to seek out answers through prayer, spiritual direction and personal research. I remembered one day visiting a local priest and was asked to give one reason why I should not be a priest. For the life of me, I could not give one reason, and in that instant I realised that not only was God’s grace working in me, but that my call was genuine. My body may have been running but my soul was yearning.

Having decided to answer the call and to move forward in my discernment with faith, I have been assigned to the diocesan vocations director, and currently reside at the St Benedict’s presbytery in Saint Lucia. Under the wonderful guidance and care of Fr Ignatius Cetoute, I hope to enter the Seminary soon. I have been given much sound advice and encouragement by many individuals and I will be forever grateful to them.

Looking back now, I can remember how Jonah tried to run away from what God called him to do, only to find himself right back where God desired him to be. Are you running too? If so, just stop and remember the words of Peter when Jesus asked the disciples if they would go away from him – "Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the message of eternal life"(John 6: 68).