A ministry of the Archdiocesan Family Life Commission (AFLC) is to consider hosting a conference for children of separated and divorced parents.

Wilfred Holder , speaking towards the end of last Sunday's conference “Called to Love Again” for the Separated, Divorced and Widowed (SDW), said there was a clear need for such a conference based on the moving testimony given earlier that day by Kent Gervais.

Gervais, a married teacher with one son, spoke of his personal struggles to overcome anger, shame, resentment, blame, sadness and even subtle discrimination as a child of divorced parents.

Holder and his wife Kay are the chair-couple of the AFLC's Ministry for SDW Catholics. Dolores Gervais, Kent 's mother, is the chairperson.

“Called to Love Again” was held at the Holy Faith Convent auditorium, Couva. Among those in attendance were Episcopal Vicar for Family Life, Fr Robert Llanos, who said the opening prayer, and retired judge, Justice Monica Barnes. Rosemarie Smith chaired proceedings.

Four interesting testimonies were given during the day. besides Gervais', the other testimony under the heading “My Experience of Divorce” was given by Kenneth Kong Ting, a retired banker who has been divorced from his wife for more than 15 years. He is also a member of the SDW ministry's New Beginnings Retreat team.

Testimonies on “From Grief to Acceptance” were given by Grace Scott, a career guidance officer and mother of four who was widowed seven years ago, and Cedros parish priest Fr Wilfred John, spiritual adviser to the SDW ministry. Fr John lost his wife of 25 years to cancer a few years ago. They raised three children.

Fr Wilfred John

Before Fr John's testimony, conference participants formed groups and discussed “How am I called to love again”.

The conference opened with a feature talk titled “To Love Again” by Rose Jackman, co-founder of Living Water Community with Rhonda Maingot, who was originally scheduled to give the talk but was unable to due to illness.

Jackman said when “people fall out of the arms of the one they love”, God was there. She said even in stable marriages the focus should be on God, as “our dignity and true identity” were as children of God.

She explained that many felt their personal identity came from their family name, their occupation or their marriage, but these were all temporary.

“Because of our baptism, our first identity is as a child of God. If we believe that, misconceptions in our lives will ease up,” Jackman said.

Using scriptural texts to support her comments, she said many felt a sense of shame and guilt because of being separated/divorced but that God loved us and, like the woman Jesus met at the well in John's gospel, we can love and be loved again.

Jackman said that in moments of abandonment, God was with us. “When the oil of the anointing in our lives seems to run out because of grief, separation, divorce, and we feel alienated”, we can turn to God, through the Church, to receive “a new outpouring”.

She said listening to what “the world” says or turning to drugs and other distractions was not the answer. Jackman said as “a witness to single life, there are many promises out there for you”.

“Give him all you have, and he will give back to you more than you expected,” she added.

Archbishop Edward Gilbert spoke for an hour after the lunch period on various aspects of the conference theme. He said the archdiocese was working on becoming more present to SDW Catholics, noting that the issues faced by the separated and divorced were different to those faced by the widowed.

He mentioned some of the challenges faced by the Church in its efforts to communicate the truth. Among the issues he dealt with were selfishness, sexual relationship, raising children, interfaith marriage and parental responsibility. The archbishop answered a few questions at the end of his talk.

Archbishop Gilbert and Fr Llanos concelebrated the closing Mass.

The SDW ministry's next event is a “New Beginnings” weekend from March 24 to 26 at Credo Retreat House, Couva. For more information, contact Kay 658-6648, Dolores 637-5830 or Ken 652-9841. - RS