As fathers across the nation settle down today to enjoy what others have put together to celebrate them on Fathers’ Day, Let’s examine what can be done to increase their positive influence.

All fathers were once little boys who, when born, either felt welcomed or rejected by this strange new world. As he approached adulthood, he felt a special attraction to a woman who made him feel good about himself – and he eventually became a father.

That little boy is today being judged as a good father, an absentee father, an abusive father or a father struggling to be good. He may be a father who lives at home with his family, away from home or even in prison. 

However they may be judged, or wherever they live, all fathers are struggling to be good.

There is a school of thought in the field of psychology which contends that everyone has buried, in their subconscious and unconscious selves, feelings of rejection and pain they might have experienced while in the womb and in their early infant years.

This thinking has led to the development of Original Pain Therapy (OPT), the proponents of which advocate that when a child is conceived, that child must feel loved and welcomed by both mother and father. We know, however, that that is not always the case. OPT teaches that the womb can either be a nurturing or damaging environment for a child.

OPT suggests that we can all be rehabilitated to become the best person that we can be, regardless of our past experiences. This can be achieved through identifying our “original pain”, working through that pain and so enabling ourselves to have more positive and productive lives.

Celebrating fathers

The Archdiocesan Family Life Commission (AFLC) is currently conducting OPT training programmes for all persons who will be members of Family Life Units (FLU) in parishes.

This is meant to create an understanding of what may cause problems in family life and point a way to healing, forgiveness and empowerment of families.

You may ask: what is the relevance of OPT to Fathers’ Day?  The answer is that a man’s behaviour is influenced by whether he had a nurturing or damaging experience in his mother’s womb. 

So whether they are characterised as the good, the bad or the ugly, fathers need to understand why they behave the way they do and how they can change negative behaviour.

So what can we in Trinidad and Tobago society do to make better fathers of men who, as little boys, may not have had a nurturing experience in the womb? 

Firstly, let us continue to set aside this one day in the year or, better still, the week leading up to Fathers’ Day, to help our fathers feel good about themselves.

Almost every day, the negative consequences of fathers struggling to be good make headlines in the media. The headlines cover murder, rape, abuse, infidelity and other criminal activity.

There has also evolved something called “male-bashing”, which is common among some women and appears to be due in part to the hurt they have experienced in their relationships with men.

So, it’s due time to celebrate those good fathers and those struggling to be good. People in the workplace, in schools, community organisations and also the Prison Service should organise events to help fathers feel good about themselves.

These events could include lectures, training sessions and workshops, all geared to helping the fathers in this country achieve what they truly desire - to be good fathers.