Maraika Gooding

I became a grandmother on January 23, 2006. My grandson is six months old! Isn’t it amazing? I am still not quite sure what that means exactly.

Ok, I know that many of you grandmothers (and grandfathers), and even those who are not, have a lot you could tell me about grandparenthood. My friends tell me it means I am getting old. However, I am known at times to behave unlike “normal, regular people” so let’s wait and see…

Really, I am still trying to come to terms with this new state, adding “grandmother” to the other descriptions of who I am. I am not the youngest grandmother…. And I really did not do anything earlier than I should have – leaving school, starting a career and getting married came in that order. However, I am the first grandparent among my siblings though I am fourth in line.

My younger sister is continually warning friends and relatives not to “get me started” about having a grandchild. I tend to share the news rather frequently with everyone I meet. For some reason, my first two children decided that getting married “young” – early twenties – was the way to go … So here we are and I have come full circle.

Not so long ago, I was sharing the news of my imminent parenthood with my own parents. Trevor and I had been married less than a half a year! Not much time to enjoy our seclusion, but we accepted the news with joy.

Of course, feeling really sick to my stomach (literally) followed quickly on the heels of this good news but even that did not diminish the feeling of expectancy of an amazing event that accompanied the news. I was going to be a mother! Imagine that!

What am I on about? Some people may wonder – women (and some just out of the cradle, I might add) have babies every day. But for me, there was no inevitability – this with marriage had not even begun to feature in my plans before I made the plunge.

I had, however, in looking at others including my own parents, always considered parenting an enormous responsibility. I had not begun to think that I would meet the person with whom I would undertake this task. How we raised these children - future men and women – I always believed would be crucial to the future of our society.

It was an important task like no other I could think of. I had considered myself, always a teacher, assisting others with this responsibility. God had other ideas. Here I was, up front. Soon to be a parent. I was not going to take this for granted.

At a recent family meeting, (now only four of us for a few months of the year, three of us for the rest) our second to last son was trying to convince his brother (the “baby” of the family) that I was more worried about him than I ever was about the rest of them. Not true!

My husband would know that I have “worried” every day, since I knew of their existence, about every one of them. I have learnt to deal with this (having the two Fathers with me) and this “worry” has propelled me to creative action – planning for them. Planning for my children has been my major task for the past 27 years!!

Planning what they must hear, see, do – what their immediate environment should be like, how they should be treated, what they must eat, what toys they should and should not have, what stories (and then television shows and movies) are appropriate, what activities, what clothes, what habits we should encourage or discourage…. How we should show our love for them.

Amare Gooding

A fulltime job and I move from enjoying a late sleep to having to wake early every single day for feeding, to waking every single day, thinking about each one and making plans for the support and help they would need. Once they are born, they will always be part of you.

So, amidst all the excitement of today’s world, I am celebrating with my son and his wife, the incredible gift of their own son. Seeing him grow is to some extent reliving my own days but I am happily aware that I can now do so at some distance.

This is no longer my task and I am joyfully able to share the wonder without having all the responsibility that is inevitably involved. As his grandfather likes to tell everyone, “they go home in the evenings, you know.”

Well, I am now awaiting my second grandchild! Any day now, I think. This time from my daughter and her husband. Will it be a boy and a girl? Both? No sign of that.

When my husband and I were awaiting the birth of our first child, we had two names ready – for a boy and a girl  - but they were born 13 months apart! My second grandchild will confirm my grandparenthood, I think. If that is any more possible.

This is a little different from my previous experience of becoming a grandmom because this time, my daughter will be coming home for a time with her child. The whole family – Mummy, Daddy and baby will stay with grandparents for a time. The baton will be passed.

I am going to buy a playpen for our house (which my grandson is ready for) so when my grandchildren visit they will have somewhere to play safely. What does that sound like?

No, it does not mean grandma will be at home waiting to have grandchildren visit. I will re-invent ways to be a grandparent while enjoying the new life with the freedom that is possible when all your children have grown (not long again for the last two) and are well able to take care of themselves. 

I am happily passing the baton and there are many stories to tell. Being a parent in the 21st century will have its unique qualities but there are many (or most) things that will never change.

People are people after all and from the womb, we continue to need the love, care, guidance and encouragement that only parents can give. God is Almighty.

POST SCRIPT: I now have a granddaughter – 3.17kg/6 lbs 15 oz. Thank God. Her name is Mc Kayla Marie Barrow. Born June 23.