We do not need great philosophers, psychologists and sociologists to tell us that when family life breaks down, when family life is dysfunctional (regardless of type of family) every other institution in the society breaks down. Schools break down. Churches break down. The sub-systems of the society break down.

This is due to the fact that once one sub-system is malfunctioning it affects others because of the interconnectedness of parts of the whole societal system.

The family/home is the cornerstone of society. It is a primary agent of socialisation, inculcating societal norms, goals and values and facilitating their attainment. It is in this way that we develop societies with a respect for law and order.

We abdicate our responsibility to raise our children in the proper way by not teaching them right from wrong, and more particularly by giving poor example.

Recently, criminologist Prof Ramesh Deosaran suggested that parents be penalised for the delinquent behaviour of their children. Similarly, I presume that parents who have done a good job with their children should be highlighted. With this in mind I would like to highlight a wedding ceremony I attended recently.

On Saturday, July 22, I attended a wedding function I consider special, very special.

It is special in the sense that I had never witnessed the wedding of a couple who are both differently-able, well-educated and gainfully employed.

It is also special from the point of view of good parenting and curbing the high crime rate in the country. When children go to school and do not learn well, they drop out and cannot get jobs. They turn to idle and wrong ways of earning a living. This is my hypothesis.

The wedding

I am referring to the wedding of Kris Howard and Gizelle Holder-Mike, which took place at St Paul’s RC Church, Couva, starting promptly at 3.00 p.m. The officiating priest was Msgr Kenneth Spence.

All the normal wedding preparations were in place. The church was beautifully decorated, Mass (High Mass) was very lively and the choir sang very well. During the ceremony I was in awe to see that several members of the congregation comprised individuals and married couples who were also hearing-impaired.

In attendance were three teachers of the hearing-impaired who translated the various readings, the homily, prayers of the faithful and hymns in sign language.

The reception

At the reception, which took place at the scenic Paria Suites Hotel and Conference Centre, La Romaine, nothing was left out. The decorations, wedding cake, the toast to the bride and groom etc. were well-planned and executed.

All the messages of goodwill and speeches were signed. I was particularly impressed with how the parents of the couple went the extra mile to make sure that their children had normal lives growing up, and a normal wedding function. I wish Kris and Gizelle a normal married life blessed with children.

To give you a brief idea of how this couple was raised and the care and sacrifice that were put into this I would like to tell you briefly about their lives before they got married.

The groom

I got to know Kris Howard through his parents, Dr Samuel Howard and Erlene Howard who are our family friends. Kris was hearing-impaired from birth. I did not know Kris well until he started to attend the El Dorado Secondary School.

I used to drop him to school and pick him up after school. He was always serious though very pleasant and charming, always punctual, polite and properly dressed. I was very slow in picking up the sign language.

All I learnt was how to say, “Good morning” or “Good afternoon” and “I love you.” One day I mis-communicated and missed him. I waited and waited but could not find Kris. I went back to the school and still did not find him. It was a sad day for me. I went straight to his mother and told her, “I lost Kris and could not find him anywhere.”

Kris and Gizelle Howard

The mother calmly said, “Don’t worry. He will find his way back.” That night I just could not sleep. When he graduated from that school he went abroad to study and I lost him again. However, he used to visit me whenever he came home on vacation.     

He received his primary education at the Cascade School for the Deaf, the Centre d’Education Specialise, Toulouse, France, for two years and again at the Cascade School where he wrote and passed his Common Entrance Examination.

After three years at the El Dorado Junior Secondary School there was no choice but to continue in a foreign school. The Model Secondary School for the Deaf, Washington DC, was recommended highly. He completed his High School Diploma at that institution and received a Silver Award on completion.

He went on to complete a Post-Secondary Enrichment Programme so he could gain admission to the North-Western Community Technical College, Connecticut, USA.

After one year in that programme he was admitted to the National Technical Institute for the Deaf (NTID)—one of seven Colleges that comprise the Rochester Institute of Technology, in Rochester, New York.

There the total student population amounted to 13,000 of which some 1,100 were hearing-impaired. Interestingly, Dr. Roberto Davila, the President of the NTID, was himself hearing-impaired as were many other faculty members.

Kris successfully completed an Associate Degree in 1999 and is now employed as a data entry operator at Republic Bank.

The bride

Gizelle’s parents, Mr and Mrs Gerard Mike, were equally determined to give their daughter the best possible opportunity. She attended the Audrey Jeffers School for the Deaf in Marabella and was successful at the Common Entrance Examination. 

She attended the Marabella Junior Secondary School for one year before going on to school in the USA. She was admitted to the California School for the Deaf, California, and graduated with her high school diploma and was placed on the Principal’s Honour Roll in 1991. Following her graduation she worked as a data entry/office clerk at Kaiser Permanente, California, USA.

She returned home and is employed as a data entry operator with Nealco Datalink, Port of Spain. Her interests include reading, playing scrabble, meeting people and correspondence.

She is described as a very caring person and has a close relationship with her younger brother Christopher and her maternal grandmother, with whom she spent a great deal of time during her formative years.
                      
Conclusion

To the parents, relatives, friends and teachers of Kris and Gizelle as well as other members of the differently-abled community I say thanks, thanks for a job well done.

To all parents I say: “Learn from the parents of this couple. Take a grip. Take another grip and never let go.”  Through good parenting, through doing our best for our children—no matter the odds—we will be able to guide them on the right path and help reduce the high crime rate that is plaguing the society today.

At the end of the day we will be able to look back and say we did our best, or as St Paul put it, “I have fought the good fight to the end; I have run the race to the finish; I have kept the faith” (2 Timothy 4: 7-8).