“Chains do not hold a marriage together. It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads, which sew people together through the years.” (Simone Signoret)

How many of you grew up on stories that ended “…and they lived happily ever after”? Even a frog turned into a prince and married a princess.

How wonderful it was to transport oneself for a few moments into a world of fantasy. Unfortunately, such stories do not always match the reality of marriage in today's world.

I remember a Caribbean bishop telling my family a story when we lived in London . Although we laughed at the “joke”, the moral of the story offered sound advice to a relative who was getting married.

The story tells of a young man who falls deeply in love and in proposing to the object of his affection he blurts out: “Darling, ah love yuh so bad, wherever yuh is ah bound to be am”.

They were married and on their way to their honeymoon “cabana” they had to cross a stream. He lifted his new bride over the stones whispering to her: “Choonks, leh mih lif yuh up so de stones won't hurt yuh pretty foot an dem.”

At the end of their two- week honeymoon they retraced their steps on their way from the “cabana”. When they arrived at the stream, the husband offered no assistance to his wife. On her way across the stream she knocked her foot on a stone and cried out in pain. Her husband, who was in front of her, shouted unkindly: “Good fuh yuh! Yuh shoulda break yuh foot!”

Perhaps no one ever read to him 1 Corinthians 13:4-8, 13. Love is patient and kind, never jealous, boastful, proud or rude. Love isn't selfish or quick-tempered. It doesn't keep a record of wrong things that others do. Love rejoices in the truth, but not in evil. Love is always supportive, loyal, hopeful, and trusting. There is nothing love cannot face. Love never fails! There are there things that last forever: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of them all is love .

Marriage is defined as the intimate, exclusive, indissoluble communion of life and love entered by man and woman at the design of the Creator for the purpose of their own good and the procreation and education of children. This covenant between baptised persons has been raised by Christ the Lord to the dignity of a sacrament. ( Gaudium et Spes , n. 48 and Code of Canon Law, Can.1055).

Many marriages today are on the rocks/fail for a variety of reasons. I would dare to say that most marriages fail because God was not placed at the centre of these marriages. For any marriage to be all it can be, both husband and wife must make a deliberate and shared mutual decision to put God in charge of their marriage.

Unfortunately, in many marriages today God is not uppermost in the couple's mind. Other things such as pre-nuptial agreements, take priority. For many “marriage preparation” does not mean taking time to learn about each other and about the sacrament of marriage but about making sure pre-nuptial agreements are signed before the wedding.

I remember attending a wedding in the USA some time ago. At a gathering before the wedding the bride proudly presented her pre- nuptial agreement to me to read. She said: “You don't know how relieved I am that he signed this. Over here this is a “must” as it helps us organise our marital assets and reflects what we want to happen in case of divorce. Of course we will need to update it periodically as our assets change.”

What a world we live in! With the divorce rate around the world at record levels one wonders how many view marriage as a lifelong commitment and try to be true to their calling. Of course, this does not mean that one should remain in a marriage at all costs.

For example, where one party's position, usually the woman's, becomes untenable e.g. in some domestic violence cases, it is at times unwise for the parties to remain together – unless the offending party seeks help and demonstrates that he/she is willing to change.

For Christians, the legal contract involved in the marriage ceremony must be subordinate to the spousal covenant, which goes beyond the minimum rights and responsibilities guaranteed by a contract.

As Christopher West says: “A covenant calls the spouses to share in the free, total, faithful, and fruitful love of God. For it is God who, in the image of his own Covenant with his people, joins the spouses in a more binding and sacred way than any human contract.”

Marriage is a sacred institution, and its protection is essential to the continued strength of our society . This statement in no way seeks to undermine the many families that, as Merle Hodge says, “are not in the mould of the patriarchal nuclear family.”

The springboard for my focussing on marriage in this article came from a conversation with June Johnston recently. She and her husband Everard celebrated their 30th wedding anniversary March 31. June is the editor of the Catholic News and Everard is the Dean of Studies and a lecturer at the Regional Seminary. Happy Anniversary to June and Everard! I wish them God's continued blessings in the years ahead.

One thing that makes for a good marital match is if spouses share common interests. Some believe that the more common ground there is the less traumatic will be the adjustments that will have to be made. While it helps to share common interests in a marriage, remember Tolstoy's advice that what counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are, but how you deal with incompatibility.

Marriage and family life find themselves, “at the centre of the great struggle between good and evil, between life and death, between love and all that is opposed to love.” (Pope John Paul II: Letter to Families).

In his Homily on the Feast of the Holy Family, December 30,1988, the Holy Father, in speaking of marriage and the family states: “In this entire world there is not a more perfect, more complete image of God, Unity and Community. There is no other human reality which corresponds more, humanly speaking, to that divine mystery.”

June's experience of her marriage confirms this. She shared with me: “At Easter Sunday Mass I was overwhelmed with a sense of gratitude for our years of marriage. The Eucharist and marriage go together – ‘my Body given for you' – two becoming one flesh.

The two who are distinct are truly one.” Marriage is not a peripheral issue in Christian life but is at the heart of the Christian mystery. Living the truth about marriage is not always easy but, as June says: “Once you have faith and a steadfast fidelity to your calling everything else falls into place.”

Many couples do not have the knowledge and skills necessary to build and sustain their marriages. We need to support marriages by helping couples build successful marriages and be good parents. At the same time let's not forget that “The future of humanity passes by way of the family” (Apostolic Exhortation on the Family (1981), Pope John Paul II).

Today many families are under considerable stress and face many obstacles. Investing in families is investing in society as a whole. Therefore, let's invest in our families and build a society in which all families are treated with dignity and respect.

A good beginning to marriage is also important as the “joke” related above also suggests. Moreover, a marriage also requires constant effort if it is to last.

As John Rohn writes: “Your family and your love must be cultivated like a garden. Time, effort, and imagination must be summoned constantly to keep any relationship flourishing and growing.”