Albert Spence, 56, coordinator at the SERVOL Life Centre in Sangre Grande, is the proud father of two boys and twin girls, now all grown up and leading lives of their own.

He and his wife, Elizabeth, have an empty nest but they get to relive their parenting days through their relationship with their three grandchildren. And, as Spence remarked of his four offspring, “Although they are grown up it is as if they are still my children.”

Jason, the eldest, is 34 and lives in Barataria with his wife and two children. Christopher is 26 and has settled in Long Island , New York , with his wife and son. Twin daughters, Gabrielle and Giselle, are 23. They graduated this year from Coppin State University , Baltimore , Maryland.

Spence said, "You have to pull back because you realise that you are not dealing with a 13 or 14-year-old, you are dealing with a 20-something or 30-something-year-old. The concerns are still there, the parenting never stops, the fathering never stops – it changes. The issues may be different, the way you deal with things would be different but the love never changes."

Spence tried to be around as much as he could for his children and to give them support.

"I had to know when to stand back and allow them a little bit of freedom – the boyfriend story and the wanting to go to fête...I may have been an overprotective father, but I knew it was all in their interest."

Which is harder – boys or girls?

"I wouldn't say it was more difficult to raise boys than to raise girls", said Spence.

The challenges faced by his sons while growing up were not significantly different from those faced by his daughters. But he admitted that they were not disciplined in the same manner.

"Because of boys' nature, in certain respects, you have to discipline them differently to girls. If I needed to discipline my daughters sometimes all I might need to do was give a 'look' or a gruff voice, and sometimes even that could be a bit heavy. With the boys you have to deal with them differently."

When it comes to the "boyfriend story", Spence has been told he gives his daughters' suitors a "killer" look.

When his sons got girlfriends he cautioned them about certain things, making it clear they should not mess around with anybody's daughter.

"The old thing of the boys can do what they want but the girls, you have to make sure they are protected, I never subscribed to that."

Looking back at his life as a father, he said, "You had moments when you wondered if you could really manage being a father, there were good moments, there were very humourous moments and there were very challenging moments."

The parenting skills that came in most handy for him were "patience, the ability to listen and the ability to put yourself in their shoes, to know they were going through that whole process of growth and development and that you had to walk with them through it".

A special challenge with the girls

Giselle, one of the twins, has cerebral palsy, which made her mildly physically challenged. This situation was a special challenge to Spence and his wife, but they did their best for her, providing as normal a childhood as possible. She has had several surgeries and did physical therapy, which Spence learned to administer.

Gabrielle has no similar health problem and also has a different personality from her identical sister.

Albert Sepnce at his daughter's graduation dinner last month.

But the sisters share a strong bond, so much so that once when Giselle was about to have surgery, Gabrielle, who was in Caracas at the time, felt the pain.

When the twins went abroad to further their studies, their parents were quite anxious.

"We still, at long distance and considerable cost, have to be there as mother and father to give them guidance," said Spence. "It comes to you at midnight when you say 'I wonder if everything is okay with them, I wonder if they're making the right decisions'? You have your sleepless nights."

He realised just how much his fathering had influenced his children when he told Christopher to keep an eye on the girls while they were all at university in Maryland . Some time afterward, he heard them complaining to their mother that Christopher was behaving "just like Daddy". He knew then that his sons were following his example of fathering.

His daughters have now graduated. Their parents still keep in close contact with them and the twins still ask for guidance in decision-making – down to which photograph they should use for their yearbook.

Spence trusts he has given his children a good example of a father and a husband and considers this his legacy to them -- "A legacy of values – to have certain ethics about how you live; old-fashioned things like 'your word is your bond' and 'if you say you will do something you do it', and 'you must not cheat', things like that."

Training parents and students

"Being a father has to be one of the most tremendous responsibilities you could take on. It hurts me to see children who have not had the benefit of that kind of environment."

Yet, Spence sees this phenomenon every day working at SERVOL. Most of the young people he works with have issues relating to the lack of parenting, often because of an absent or indifferent father.

He says that young men and women come to SERVOL because it offers them a second chance to do something with their lives. "The school system has not been very kind to them, they have a lot of family issues, a lot of issues of development because some of them are barely literate."

The experience of working with SERVOL over the last two years made Spence realise: "Sometimes just a simple hug, you put your arm around a boy or you call him 'son' is an experience he might have never had before. That kind of presence is invaluable for somebody who does the kind of work I do... I feel I represent to them the kind of father figure that some of them do not have, lack and may never experience."

Parenting skills and the ability to understand young people are desirable in anyone who works at SERVOL. "It really does add to your ability to do a better job," said Spence.

About two years ago, Spence, on the invitation of his wife Elizabeth, an administrator at Families in Action (FIA), did a course run by TTIPS for FIA in which he was trained in how to train parents. Now, he does sessions on behalf of FIA for community groups and PTAs, and runs the occasional course on Confident Parenting for members of the public at the FIA office.

Training parents is a mission he takes very seriously, and he has learned a lot from the parents who participate.

"I pray for guidance before I stand in front of a group because you realize the enormous responsibility you have dealing with things like that…people, and how much they look to you for magic. But there is no magic. There is a lot of hard work you have to prepare to do as a parent."

To young men

To young men, Spence says, "Becoming a man is not a biological race. Being sensitive is not a fault or defect. Having the ability to take or accept responsibility is something that should not be taken lightly."

He has noted the way in which young men refer to women nowadays and says, "When they refer to girls in a certain way and look upon the female in a certain manner it all speaks to a kind of callousness and indifference, which is fed by a lot of things they see on television."

He is not interested in decrying the media, but the images and lifestyles highlighted, arguing that externals are being used to select role models.

"Being a man is more than those externals," he said.

He also points out that many young men are afraid to be different; they feel they need to conform to what their peers expect. But he wants young men to know there is no need to fear being different.

To young fathers

Spence knows young fathers face a great challenge.

"I know it is not easy. It can be a huge challenge and sometimes you may wonder if you are able to succeed as a good father. But you can, if you put your whole heart and mind to it and understand that that precious little gift of life you hold is going to make you a bigger, better, wiser man.

"Just continue to hold on, to have faith, not to become too distracted by all the things surrounding you that tell you that being a father is a part-time occupation, because in the end you are doing the most significant job that you can ever do in your whole life."