" Receive the Holy Spirit. For those whose sins you forgive, they are forgiven; for those sins you retain, they are retained. "

Over the last three or four years I have noted within myself a certain reaction to sermons on the theme of forgiveness. Reflecting on today's gospel I was able to put a label on the reaction - that of resistance. Resistance, not to the call to forgiveness in itself but rather to the suggestion, subtle and unspoken, that it is something one can simply will oneself into doing - "just do it".

Forgiveness takes time. Forgiveness entails a process; a messy, painful process. Persons who have experienced the trauma of rape or abuse; children who were abandoned at birth, victims of domestic violence; they all know that forgiveness does not come cheaply.

On the road to healing it is important, as part of the process, that they "retain the sin" of the one who has wronged them; it is vital that they name the wrong which has been done unto them and that they own the anger they feel towards the person who has violated them.

Victims of abuse need to understand the nature of the abusive relationship and unlock the destructive patterns of their relationship with the abuser.

Parents of drug addicts know the pain of having to "retain the sin" of a drug-abusing child. They have to exercise "tough love", often withholding basic provisions like shelter, in the hope that their son or daughter would be shocked into accepting their powerlessness over the drug and go into rehab.

The path to true forgiveness is not an easy one. Often a long and painful road, we need God's Spirit in order to exercise true forgiveness. Sometimes, however, we opt to "retain the sin" of the one who has wronged us - not as part of the healing process - but as an end in itself.

We close ourselves off to the direct action of the Holy Spirit and the healing process preferring, rather, the role of the victim with the warped sense of familiarity and security that the role offers. Sometimes we are afraid to come out from behind the closed door of our disappointments and hurts.

We are afraid for there is a risk involved: we might be hurt again; we might lose the prestige we enjoy; there is too much uncertainty, we are afraid of the messiness and pain associated with change.

As parents, persons in community; as persons called to ministry or service, what is our role in creating or facilitating spaces of forgiveness and healing? Followers of Jesus, conduits of the Holy Spirit, we need to enter into the closed rooms of our broken children, brothers, sisters, neighbours, community members or co-worker and speak to them a word of peace.

We do so not as professionals who have all the answers, not as perfect beings; we do not lecture or reprove. We do so as wounded healers; as persons in need of forgiveness ourselves and as persons who have struggled with forgiveness. We show them our hands and our side and share with them our story: with God's Holy Spirit it is possible.

Let us pray:

Lord, we bring to you today persons who are locked away behind the closed doors of shame and fear: persons who are HIV infected, men and women who are plagued by one addiction or another; adults who are unable to read or write, children who are silent victims of abuse.

Raise up, Lord, people and organisations to stand among them in support and in service. Help us as a society to see them as brothers and sisters and to speak to them a word of peace.

Lord, I sometimes find it so difficult to forgive. Through the power of your Holy Spirit help me to face the unresolved hurts and disappointments which weigh upon my heart; the sins I have retained.

Help me to be true to myself and honest with those with whom I am in conflict. I open my heart and life to your Holy Spirit. Please help me.

This Sunday's Gospel Meditation is by Sr Arlene Greenidge, a Dominican Sister who works as a social worker/administrator at St Dominic's Children's Home, Belmont