Roman Catholic doctrine condemns pre-martial sex and teaches abstinence before marriage. Yet we continue to see adolescents Catholic and non-Catholic, slipping through the cracks, making poor judgements and becoming teen parents.

In 2000 there were 3217 live births in T&T to teenagers ages 19 and under. Twenty-nine of those births were to girls under age 15. That would be the 3217, now school aged, children whose lives were spared.

The prevalence of teenage pregnancy may have increased considerably over the five years, but no more recent statistics are available.

When a teenager becomes pregnant society often seems to turn its back in embarrassment or glare in condemnation. Someone has obviously committed a mortal sin, and a crime according to the law of the land. Where do these attitudes leave the mother and the child?

Do we consider that this is the beginning of a family, and the well being of a parent and a child is at stake? Family is the basic foundation of any society, so it is important to nurture and ensure the welfare of family life, regardless of if the family began as a mistake or as a result of irresponsible behaviour.

For adults who are prepared to start a family, the first pregnancy can be a scary experience, much more so for an unprepared teenager. I spoke with several people who work with adolescent parents to find out what can be done by the adolescent girl and boy, and their parents, to make the experience less traumatic and deal with it constructively.

THE PARENT

As a parent you may understandably feel huge disappointment and the resulting anger when you find out your teenage daughter is pregnant or your teenage son has impregnated his girlfriend.

It is important not to do anything drastic out of anger. Few teenagers would do something like that on purpose, so you need to recognise that your child made a mistake and is now experiencing the consequences.

Turning your back on your child tells him/her that he/she is not worth anything. If you kick the girl out of the house you show her you have stopped loving her and no longer care what happens to her or your grandchild.

Parents of the boys sometimes try to prevent him from having any interaction with the mother or his baby. By doing this you are preventing the boy from taking responsibility and bonding with his child.

Out of love for your adolescent son or daughter, once you get over your anger, it is important to be supportive. Ensure that you find out the facts. Why did this happen?

What was lacking both emotionally, as well as in terms of information, that allowed them to make this mistake? Did you as a parent tell them what they needed to know or give them too much freedom?

Let your teen know that he/she was irresponsible to have pre-marital sex and the pregnancy is the consequence of the action. It is the pre-marital sex that is the sin, not the pregnancy.

Explain that there is now a human baby, a precious life, forming inside the girl's body and as the parent he/she has a responsibility toward that child.

Emotional support is particularly important for the adolescent mother. Just like any new mother she can go through post-partum depression. It would be nice to sit with your teenage daughter and make a plan of action for the future.

Find out how she can make herself employable so she can become financially independent. Encourage both parties to think ahead for themselves and child. Always keep your child and grandchild's best interests at heart.

A TEENAGE GIRL

As a teenage girl, if you find out you are pregnant, you may feel all sorts of emotions, the biggest one being fear. The first thing to do is speak to an adult you can trust. Turn to the people who really love you, your parents.

When they get over their anger and disappointment, they may give you much needed support. If you think your parents will become violently angry, then you may want to have an adult relative of close family friend there to support you when you break the news.

It is good to discuss and explore options with your parents. Let them know if you want to continue school or if you want to learn a skill that can get you a job. Know this is your child and therefore your responsibility.

Start making choices about your future now that you have a child to take care of. Other important things to do are seek counselling, take a childcare or parenting course, go to a clinic or doctor to ensure that you and the baby inside of you are both healthy.

It would be helpful if you can figure out where and why you made your mistakes so you do not repeat them.

A TEENAGE BOY

As a teenage boy you may experience a different kind of fear when you find out your girlfriend is pregnant – fear of the law. You may not want to come forward for fear the girl's parents would have you arrested for statutory rape.

Other fears may occur because you may be asked to provide financially for this baby although you are still in school and have no job. These fears may make you deny responsibility.

It would be very unfair to leave the girl to deal with the consequences of what you both did. Sex leads to the creation of a human being, and that human being is your child too.

As the father you will have an impact on that child's life, whether you are present or not, ask anyone who grew up without a father.

It would be wise to think seriously about your future as well, because you too are responsible for this baby's well being. Find out what you can learn about parenting so you can play a positive part in your son or daughter's life.

Make yourself employable through education or learning a job skill. Do not repeat your mistakes and get another girl pregnant. Being a father is serious business and one child is far more than enough at this stage in your life.

SUPPORT IS KEY

When adolescents become pregnant all is not lost. Once the adolescent parents have the support of their families, they can find stability again and continue on to a successful and fulfilling life for themselves and their child. They lose some of their childhood, but they can learn responsibility.

The key thing is the support. Without it the adolescent mothers may become despondent, or go in search of support and end up in the wrong hands. They can get stuck in a cycle of having babies in order to keep a man's support and find themselves in situations of poverty or abuse.

Some hold the view that supporting teen mothers and helping them in their parenting is encouraging sinful, and irresponsible behaviour. On the contrary, the support often prevents a negative cycle from taking shape in the lives of these individuals. It is important for us to love people in spite of their mistakes and seek to help where we can.

In addition to the parenting support programmes and organisations featured in Catholic News last week (May 22) here are some others that may be particularly valuable in the case of teenage pregnancy:

CHOICES – A Child Welfare League programme to educate teen parents ages 13 to 19. Their objective is to establish community intervention in the area of adolescent pregnancy and one of their aims is to postpone subsequent pregnancies.

They teach pre and post-natal care as well as vocational skills and academics. The programme includes personal development and counselling.

They also facilitate re-entry into schools after the baby is born. They have centres in Woodbrook: 623-6301, East Port of Spain : 626-1726, Arima: 643-0757, Sangre Grande: 668-7939, and Lambeau, Tobago : 639-1183

SERVOL has an education programme focussed on family life and all-round development of their students, ages 17 to 19. All students learn about sexuality, child-care and parenting alongside their individual skills training.

SERVOL uses a student development model titled SPICES which focuses on the Social, Physical, Intellectual, Creative, Emotional and Spiritual development of teenagers. They also add financial management to their training. For more information call 623-6234.

The Mary Care Centre – An organisation that cares for adolescent mothers, ages 11-17. They take them in six weeks before and after the birth of the baby.

This organisation cares for them, teaches basic skills, provides counselling, tutoring to help the girls get back into the education system.

If there is nowhere for the girl to stay after the baby is born, they are transferred to Goshen House where they learn skills to become employable. The Mary Care Centre can be contacted at 622-5880.

The Rapport Information Centre – The youth arm of the National AIDS programme offering counselling and teen support services. They can be contacted at 623-1166.

Toco Foundation – a parenting agent with a focus on HIV/AIDS education. The phone contact is 670-1369.

Rape Crisis Society : POS - 622-7273, 1079; San Fernando –657-5355

HELPLINE - A 24-hour hotline which provides counselling for the distressed and suicidal – 645-2800.